Judging on the Basis of Love

‘Love’ is highly prominent in Family teaching: ‘Love is the most important thing’, ‘Love never fails’, ‘God is love’, ‘The greatest of these is love’, ‘What everybody needs is love’, and so on. Love, indeed, is a biblical concept: God’s love is everlasting and eternal; love is so much an intrinsic quality of God that the apostle John says that ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:8). It was love that motivated God to send His only Son to die for sinful mankind. It was that same love that compelled Christ to proceed to the cross on our behalf. It is Christ’s love that is upheld as an example for all Christians to emulate.

Family teaching, however, uses the biblical emphasis on love to justify actions that God declares are not acceptable in his sight, it confuses human concepts of interpersonal love with love for and from God, and elevates 'love' to such importance that it is allowed to take precedence over other biblical attributes.

This web page summarises several of the Family's teachings on love, and compares them to what the Bible says.

“God is love” versus “Love is God”

While the Bible says that ‘God is love’, it does not say the reverse, that ‘Love is God.’ Such a concept deifies the human concept of love, instead of glorifying God Himself for who He is. God is the sovereign Lord of the universe and as such He has many attributes: He is righteousness, He is holiness, He is perfection, He is justice and He is love. The Bible calls all men to worship Him, but it does not say that He exists as righteousness itself, or as the idea of perfection, or justice, or love. God is a just God, it is impossible to conceive of God ever being ‘unjust.’ Yet we are not commanded to make 'justice' our god. Such an idea depersonalises God to little more than an idea, a concept, a theory, a motive. God is no ‘idea’: He is a ‘person’ in that humanity was made in His image. He is separate from His creation and in fact warns mankind not to worship any facet of His creation. Worshipping the sun or moon, for example, is idolatry. Worshipping ‘love’ is just as idolatrous. ‘God’ and ‘love’ are not interchangeable concepts.

For a detailed study on ‘God is love’ (1 John 4:8), click here.

To illustrate it differently, Jesus Christ is the prince of peace (Isaiah 9:6), Christians are to live peacefully with all men, they are to be peacemakers and to be at peace within themselves, but they are not to make a god of ‘peace’ itself, they are to worship God alone, who is the triune creator of all that exists; He is to be worshipped and He alone.

On these two commandments

While the Bible says that “the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor 13:13) and that Christians would be known by their love for each other (John 13:35), and are in fact, commanded to love each other (John 15:12), the Bible does not say that such love gives Christians freedom to do whatever they wish, as long as they are acting in love. In fact, the Bible sets firm boundaries beyond which no Christian should step, regardless of how much ‘love’ they feel.

Jesus said that the whole Law and the Prophets (i.e. the entire Old Testament) depend on the two commandments to love God and to love one’s neighbour.

Matt 22:37-40

37 And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 “This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 “The second is like it, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 “On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

NASU

In saying this, Jesus did not declare the Old Testament obsolete. In fact, His commands to ‘love God’ and ‘love your neighbour’ are actually quotations from the Old Testament (Deut 6:5 and Lev 19:18). Jesus summarised the Old Testament, He did not replace it.

Paul declared that “the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’ ” (Gal 5:14 NASU). However neither Jesus nor Paul implied that such love could have predominance over, for example, the commandments not to steal or murder. In fact, Jesus reaffirmed the commandment against murder, magnifying it to a point where it also encompasses unjustified anger (Mat 5:21-22). In other words, the New Testament does not say that Christ's law of love allows Christians to break the Old Testament prohibitions against idolatry, deception, murder, adultery or lying. In fact, each one of these prohibitions are reaffirmed in the New Testament: there were sin in the Old Testament era, and the New Testament specifically declares that they are still sin. Of course, the ritual aspects of the Old Testament Law have been replaced by Jesus' atoning sacrifice on the cross.

For a detailed study on Galatians 5:14, click here. Matthew 22:37-40 is examined here. Other relevant scriptures on the Law of Love (Rom 13:8, 1 Pet 4:8, Gal 6:2) are covered here.

‘Love’ as a standard of measurement

In the Family, the teaching is that ‘God’s only law is love.’ In other words, the Family teaches that the only thing that God actually requires is love. There are no other laws as such, no other commandments, nothing else that is necessary. Therefore the ten commandments are irrelevant, for if God's only law is love, then there is no need for commandments such as 'Do not murder' or 'Do not steal.' The founder of the Family (Berg/Dad) explained that if one truly had love then he would not murder anyone anyway and he would not steal. Therefore all that was essential was included in the simple law to 'love one another.'

The logical extension of this teaching is that as there are now no explicit commandments against specific actions, then those actions might be permissible if they were done in love. Berg/Dad never argued for the legitimacy of theft or murder, but he vehemently proclaimed that the Old Testament commandments against adultery were no longer applicable. He declared that as the prohibitions against adultery were superseded by the 'law of love,' then all that was necessary was for one to make sure that one was acting in love.

Here is the Family argument laid out logically:

God is love.
Therefore, love is God.
The Bible says that we should worship God.
Therefore, we should worship ‘love.’
Jesus said that the Old Testament depends on the commandments to love God and our neighbours.
Therefore, if we love God we are fulfilling our obligation to Him, and if we love our neighbours, we are fulfilling our obligation to them.
Therefore no command exists apart from the command to love.
Therefore, ‘God’s only law is love.’

As discussed above, statements 2 and 4 are false: both make a god of a motivation, an emotion or a philosophy. Statement 5 is a misreading of Jesus’ words: the Old Testament is summarised by the commandments to love, but it is not superseded by them. Therefore, statements 7-8 are no more than fanciful ideas, unsubstantiated by Scripture.

Family logic continues, however, in an application of these ideas:

As God’s only law is love, ‘love’ is the only rule to obey.
Therefore, anything that is done in ‘love’ is lawful in the sight of God.
Therefore, things that were considered ‘wrong’ according to the Law of Moses are lawful if done in ‘love.’
Specifically for the Family, the laws against sexual impropriety may be ignored or sidestepped as long as the participants act in ‘love.’

There is an important flaw in Family thinking that is never discussed in their literature, being the difference between God’s love and human love. God’s love exists from everlasting to everlasting; God’s love sent Christ to the cross to die for sinful man, and it extends mercy and forgiveness to His unworthy creatures.

Human love encompasses a wide range of ideas, including romantic love, patriotic love, brotherly love, parental love, self-love and so on. However none of these kinds of love are what Jesus was referring to when He commanded his followers to love each other. For example, it is simply ludicrous to claim that Jesus meant that romantic love justifies law-breaking.

Jesus explained that the love He was talking about was His own love:

John 15:12-13 This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. NASU

Christians are to take on Jesus’ love, love which is self-sacrificial to the point of death. This kind of love can only come from God himself, and has little to do with human love, romantic love, or sexual love.

Jesus’ commandments

Jesus told his disciples to love each other, but he did not say that that was all that they had to do. He expected them to obey him. In fact, they were to show him that they loved him by obeying his commandments, and the same holds true for all Christians: We love Jesus if we obey him.

Jesus gave numerous specific commands to his followers. He commanded them to have good works (Matt 5:16), to refrain from anger and lust (Matt 5:22,28), not to divorce (Matt 5:32), not to judge (Matt 7:1), not to deny Him (Matt 10:33), to forgive repeatedly (Matt 18:22), to be humble (Matt 20:26), to preach the Gospel (Mark 16:15), to be giving (Luke 6:29), and so on. He gave many detailed instructions to His followers; He did not think that the two commandments to love God and one's neighbour were enough.

Jesus did not say that His disciples were permitted to break His commandments as long as they were acting in love. In other words, He did not say, “Be forgiving, unless you are motivated by love to seek revenge.” This would be ludicrous. Likewise, He did not say, “Don’t lust after a woman, unless you feel you really love her.” Rather, he said, “Don’t lust.” He said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). It is interesting, that during the Last Supper discourse, in which Jesus told his disciples that they were his ‘friends’ (John 15:15), he repeatedly stressed their obligation to obey him (John 14:15,21,23,24; 15:2,4-7,9,10,12-15,17,20). “You are my friends,” he said, “as long as you obey me!” This would be a ridiculous statement, if it were not made by the sovereign Lord of the universe.

The apostle John, who was present at this discourse, later affirmed this:

1 John 5:2-3 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe His commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome. NASU

Jesus did not leave His followers with only two commandments, to love God and love their neighbours. He explained that the underlying principle of the Law of Moses was love, the purpose of everything that the prophets said was love, his own motivation was love, his earnest desire was for the disciples was that they love each other, and in fact every good deed was to proceed from love, and our relationship with God was to be built on love, but he did not leave us with the task of deciding exactly how to apply that love. He did not say, “Just love God and love each other! Go figure it out!” Rather, he said, “Everything is based on love, and this is what true love looks like: it is not angry, it is forgiving, it is humble, it is not judgemental, it does not indulge in sexual lust, it is giving, it preaches the Gospel” and so on.

Situation Ethics

The following is a pertinent excerpt from the book World Views in Conflict by Ronald Nash:

While a properly formed Christian worldview allows a great deal of leeway regarding the positions sincere Christians may take on many of the tough problems that rise in the formulation of an ethical theory, informed Christians will have to reject certain views. One such view is the position called situation ethics, which asserts that Christian ethics imposes no duty other than the duty to love. In determining what he should do, the situationist declares, the Christian should face the moral situation and ask himself what the loving thing to do is in this particular case. No rules or principles prescribe how love will act. Indeed, each loving individual is free to act in any way he thinks is consistent with love as he understands it. The point to situation ethics is, then, that Christian ethics provides no universal principles and no specific rules. Nothing is intrinsically good except love; nothing intrinsically bad except nonlove. One can never prescribe in advance what a Christian should or should not do. Depending on the situation, love may find it necessary to lie, to steal, even presumably to fornicate, to blaspheme, and to worship false gods. The only absolute is love.

A proper response to situation ethics will begin by pointing out that love is insufficient in itself to provide moral guidance for each and every moral action. Love requires the further specification of principles or rules that suggest the proper ways in which love should be manifested. Because human beings are fallen creatures whose judgments on moral matters may be affected by moral weakness, love needs guidance from divinely revealed moral truth. Fortunately, Christians believe, this content is provided in the moral principles revealed in Scripture.

In spite of all this, life often confronts us with ambiguous moral situations in which even the most sincere among us may agonize over what to do. At times we simply do not know enough about ourselves, the situation, or the moral principle that applies to be sure we are doing the right thing. As many of us also know, weakness of will can hinder moral decision making.

In the unambiguous situations of life, Scripture teaches, God judges us in terms of our obedience to his revealed moral law. But how does God judge us in the more ambiguous situations where the precise nature of our duty is unclear? God looks upon the heart, Scripture advises. We are judged if we break God’s commandments. This is certain. But in those cases where we may not know which commandment applies or where we may have incomplete knowledge of the situation, God’s judgment will take into account not merely the rightness of the consequences of our act (something that we ourselves are often unable to determine in ambiguous situations) but the goodness of our intentions.

(End of excerpt)

The standard of love

So, is 'love' the absolute standard by which we must judge all things? Actually, yes, it is, but it is love as defined by God, not by us. God has laid down for us in the Bible numerous things which we will do if we are truly loving, and likewise numerous things we will abstain from. We are truly loving only if our actions conform to Godly principles, and we are unloving if our actions contradict scriptural standards of behaviour, no matter how 'loving' we may feel.

The Bible says:

Deut 6:5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. NASU

But then God explained that someone who loves God will have no other gods, will not worship idols, will obey Him, and will obey the other rules of behaviour he laid down. Likewise Jesus said that God's people were to love him and each other, but then he explained exactly how that love should look. True love is obedient, it believes in Jesus Christ the son of God, it preaches the Gospel.

Jesus said:

Matt 22:39 You shall love your neighbor as yourself. NASU

But then He explained that someone who loves his neighbour will not steal from them, will not bear grudges, will be forgiving, will not covet their possessions, will not lust after them sexually, and will not commit sins of theft, dishonesty or adultery.

In other words, God is the only one who decides what is 'loving' and what is not loving. As a matter of fact, when Jesus commanded his disciples to love each other, he defined exactly what kind of love he was talking about:

John 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. NASU

Jesus' disciples are to love each other with Jesus' love, the love that sent him to the cross.

Conclusion

In the Family, the biblical emphasis upon love is used to justify a number of actions which the Bible condemns as sin. God certainly commanded his people to love, but he also explained precisely how that love would look. In fact, one of the ways we show our love for Him is by reading His word to learn exactly what does or does not constitute love.

2 John 6 And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it. NASU

John 14:23 If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word NASU

Family members who engage in extra-marital sex are sinning before God; their actions are not justified by 'love.' The Bible does not say that God's only law is love, and therefore it does not permit breaking God's own commandments.

References

World Views in Conflict, Ronald H. Nash, 1992, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI, p.45.

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