Marriage

Marriage is a very big topic, and we could not hope to thoroughly do the subject justice within the self-imposed limitations of this site. There are, however, a few important points to be made regarding the Family’s beliefs on marriage.

Marriage is for Life.

This is God’s ideal. He does not like divorce. Jesus did not approve of divorce; He said it is sin.

Mark 10:11-12

11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

12 “And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Once a husband and wife are joined together in marriage, they become united before God, and God does not want them to separate.

Matt 19:6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Paul commanded the early church members not to divorce.

1 Cor 7:10-11

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.

11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

(NIV)

God hates divorce.

Mal 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Husbands and Wives are to remain faithful sexually

Sexual infidelity is the only reason given as justification for divorce in the New Testament.

Matt 5:32 “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

If one of the partners was indulging in extra-marital sex, divorce appears to be permissible. This does not change God’s hatred of divorce, or His commands to remain faithful, forgiving, and together. There is no passage of Scripture that explicitly states that spouses may engage in any kind of sexual activity outside of their marriage. People sometimes attempt to force various passages to appear as though they support this idea, but when we start our search for truth from the Bible as opposed to starting from our theory, we very quickly discover that the doctrine of sexual freedom outside marriage is completely untenable.

In other words, when we read the Bible, we can do it in two ways. We can read a passage or a chapter with the related Scriptures and let it speak to us regarding its own intended meaning. Or, we can first come up with the meaning (“I think that I should be allowed to engage in extra- or pre-marital sex”) and then flip through the Bible trying to find individual verses that, when read on their own, appear to support our theory. In general, the Family uses the second method, and thus has promoted or condoned a number of practices specifically condemned in the Bible.

When we simply pick up the Bible and read what it has to say, we discover that there is no place for the ‘sexual freedom’ put forth by the Family.

Jesus taught forgiveness, even of sexual sins.

When the Pharisees brought Him the adulterous woman (John 8:3-11) He refused to condemn her, preferring to forgive.

John 8:11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

He did not excuse the sin, He forgave her. He would prefer husbands and wives to forgive each other rather than divorce.

Matt 18:21-22

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

The only circumstances when re-marriage appears to be permissible is when one of the spouses has died.

1 Cor 7:39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Rom 7:2-3

2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband.

3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

Marriage is not a light thing, to be broken at will. And neither does the Bible say that we are to be married to each other, in a kind of collective marriage.

Marriage itself is a picture of our relationship with God.

God is described as a jealous God who will tolerate no other God before Him.

Exod 34:14 For you shall worship no other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God),

Our relationship with our husband or wife is given in the Bible as a picture of our relationship with God. We worship one God, we are married to one person. We remain faithful to our husband or wife, we remain faithful to God.

The Family is fond of proclaiming that ‘physical problems are a manifestation of spiritual problems’. That may be so, in which case the inescapable conclusion is that sex outside of marriage indicates a failure to remain faithful to the Lord.

We are betrothed to Him through Jesus’ death on the cross and He does not want us forming any kind of spiritual connection or bestowing our love on any other God.

Rom 7:4 Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another-- to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God.

Matthew Henry’s commentary on Romans 7:4

I. Our first marriage was to the law, which, according to the law of marriage, was to continue only during the life of the law. The law of marriage is binding till the death of one of the parties, no matter which, and no longer. The death of either discharges both. For this he appeals to themselves, as persons knowing the law (v. 1): I speak to those that know the law. It is a great advantage to discourse with those that have knowledge, for such can more readily understand and apprehend a truth. Many of the Christians at Rome were such as had been Jews, and so were well acquainted with the law. One has some hold of knowing people. The law hath power over a man as long as he liveth; in particular, the law of marriage hath power; or, in general, every law is so limited-- the laws of nations, of relations, of families, etc.

1. The obligation of laws extends no further; by death the servant who, while he lived, was under the yoke, is freed from his master, <Job 3:19>.

2. The condemnation of laws extends no further; death is the finishing of the law. Actio moritur cum person-- The action expires with the person. The severest laws could but kill the body, and after that there is no more that they can do. Thus while we were alive to the law we were under the power of it-- while we were in our Old-Testament state, before the gospel came into the world, and before it came with power into our hearts. Such is the law of marriage (v. 2), the woman is bound to her husband during life, so bound to him that she cannot marry another; if she do, she shall be reckoned an adulteress, v. 3. It will make her an adulteress, not only to be defiled by, but to be married to, another man; for that is so much the worse, upon this account, that it abuses an ordinance of God, by making it to patronise the uncleanness. Thus were we married to the law (v. 5): When we were in the flesh, that is, in a carnal state, under the reigning power of sin and corruption-- in the flesh as in our element-- then the motions of sins which were by the law did work in our members, we were carried down the stream of sin, and the law was but as an imperfect dam, which made the stream to swell the higher, and rage the more. Our desire was towards sin, as that of the wife towards her husband, and sin ruled over us. We embraced it, loved it, devoted all to it, conversed daily with it, made it our care to please it. We were under a law of sin and death, as the wife under the law of marriage; and the product of this marriage was fruit brought forth unto death, that is, actual transgressions were produced by the original corruption, such as deserve death. Lust, having conceived by the law (which is the strength of sin, <1 Cor. 15:56>), bringeth forth sin, and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death, <James 1:15>. This is the posterity that springs from this marriage to sin and the law. This comes of the motions of sin working in our members. And this continues during life, while the law is alive to us, and we are alive to the law.

II. Our second marriage is to Christ: and how comes this about? Why,

1. We are freed, by death, from our obligation to the law as a covenant, as the wife is from her obligation to her husband, v. 3. This resemblance is not very close, nor needed it to be. You are become dead to the law, v. 4. He does not say, “The law is dead” (some think because he would avoid giving offence to those who were yet zealous for the law), but, which comes all to one, You are dead to the law. As the crucifying of the world to us, and of us to the world, amounts to one and the same thing, so doth the law dying, and our dying to it. We are delivered from the law (v. 6), katergethemen-- we are nulled as to the law; our obligation to it as a husband is cassated and made void. And then he speaks of the law being dead as far as it was a law of bondage to us: That being dead wherein we were held; not the law itself, but its obligation to punishment and its provocation to sin. It is dead, it has lost its power; and this (v. 4) by the body of Christ, that is, by the sufferings of Christ in his body, by his crucified body, which abrogated the law, answered the demands of it, made satisfaction for our violation of it, purchased for us a covenant of grace, in which righteousness and strength are laid up for us, such as were not, nor could be, by the law. We are dead to the law by our union with the mystical body of Christ. By being incorporated into Christ in our baptism professedly, in our believing powerfully and effectually, we are dead to the law, have no more to do with it than the dead servant, that is free from his master, hath to do with his master’s yoke.

Eph 5:29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

2. We are married to Christ. The day of our believing is the day of our espousals to the Lord Jesus. We enter upon a life of dependence on him and duty to him: Married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, a periphrasis of Christ and very pertinent here; for as our dying to sin and the law is in conformity to the death of Christ, and the crucifying of his body, so our devotedness to Christ in newness of life is in conformity to the resurrection of Christ. We are married to the raised exalted Jesus, a very honourable marriage. Compare <2 Cor. 11:2; Eph. 5:29>. Now we are thus married to Christ,

(from Matthew Henry’s Commentary)

Our physical actions affect the spiritual. Sin corrupts our heart. Obedience to God brings His blessing. Bible reading increases our faith. And pre- or extra-marital sex inevitably separates us from God. It does not matter whether we are acting ‘in faith’ or in ‘obedience’ or however it is justified in our mind. God said that we should not do it, that it is sin.

We are created with an inner hunger, a desire for spiritual satisfaction, a desperate need within us which can only be filled by God. As soon as we include anything else in our spiritual focus our desire for the Lord becomes diluted and our connection with Him becomes corrupted.

Likewise we are created to become one with our spouse, one flesh, one heart, one soul, one spirit. Marriage is like the two halves of one life reunited at last. Any redirection of our affections away from our spouse can only dilute, corrupt and pollute our relationship with him/her. Anything that comes between us weakens our connection. Marriage is designed to portray the ultimate unity possible on earth: one flesh, one life.

Matt 19:4-6

4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’

5 “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

It is wrong to define sex as a physical need, we can indeed survive without it. When channelled properly, like a mighty river between its banks, sexuality becomes a powerful force uniting husband and wife in body and spirit and mind. Break down those river banks and the power of the river creates destruction, pain, and a big muddy mess.

C.S. Lewis said that sex outside of marriage is the attempt to isolate the physical union of the bodies from the psychological union, the spiritual union, the total soul, spirit and body union, the life union. Sex was designed to incorporate all these things together, and indulging in sex as a mere physical urge is like tasting food, chewing it, then spitting it out.

Marriage is a reflection of our relationship with the Lord. We love one God, we are to remain faithful to one spouse.

‘Every one that has forsaken wives…’

Isn’t this ‘making a god of marriage’? Didn’t Jesus teach that we’d be blessed if we forsook this concept of marriage?

Matt 19:29 And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. (KJV)

Don’t misread this verse as meaning that the marriage institution is no longer relevant or applicable. It’s important to remember that it is in the very same chapter that Jesus blesses and encourages marriage.

Matt 19:6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

It is in the same chapter that Jesus said that if we divorce and remarry we commit adultery.

Matt 19:9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Also in this chapter, Jesus gives three reasons for remaining unmarried: medical problems, forced castration and self-imposed celibacy.

Matt 19:12 “For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”

So if we’ve been called to serve the Lord and therefore don’t have time or energy or resources to support a wife and family, or if we don’t want to get married, the only alternative is celibacy.

It is in this same chapter that Jesus repeats the Old Testament commandment not to have sex outside of marriage. Jesus didn’t use words to fill up space, He is the truth (Jn 14:6) and what He said, He meant.

Matt 19:18 He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said,” `You shall not murder,’ `You shall not commit adultery,’ `You shall not steal,’ `You shall not bear false witness,’

In this chapter, Jesus repeated the commandment to honour our parents.

Matt 19:19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”

There is no indication whatsoever in Matt 19:29 that those who leave wives do so to live in ‘sexual freedom’.

Those who are called to forsake their families also should make sure that they are indeed doing so for ‘His name’s sake.’ In other words, what Jesus Himself is calling us to do in our heart. No one else can give us the counsel of God regarding marital separation. “What God has joined together, let not man separate.” No one can counsel us to separate except for God Himself: no man, no leader, no shepherd, no publication, no older brother or sister, not even any prophecy someone else gives us. Either we hear the very voice of God calling us to do this thing, in which case we ‘become a eunuch for the Kingdom of heaven’s sake’ − we become celibate − or we remain married and faithful to our wife.

Once we are married we have a God-given responsibility to care and provide for our wife and children. God Himself will one day stand us in front of Him and hold us to account for how we have treated them. We will not be able to excuse our responsibility or escape our accountability by saying, ‘But I was serving the Lord’.

After reading all that the Bible has to say about marriage, after seeing the restrictions, blessings and responsibilities that God Himself placed on it, after learning the things that Jesus taught, the guidelines all throughout the Bible regarding marriage, it is obviously no longer reasonable to accuse people of ‘worshipping the marriage God’. It would be a lot fairer to say that it seems that the Family has made a god of sexual freedom, which it has placed before the written will of God in the Bible concerning marriage.

Pre-marital instructions

There are three passages in the New Testament that give explicit marital instructions: 1 Cor 7, Eph 5 and 1 Pet 3. The first one gives concise instructions for those not yet married:

1 Cor 7:1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

We are to keep our hands off − until verse 2:

1 Cor 7:2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

If we really really can’t bear it, if it’s a tremendous burden to carry, that of not having sex, then maybe it’s time we started praying for a wife. By the way, don’t be too quick to scoff at the language used in this verse, ‘don’t touch!’ Once we compare this verse with what Jesus said on the same topic, we realise that Paul’s ‘Don’t touch’ borders on the ludicrously mild.

Matt 5:28-29

28 “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

29 “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Marriage is God’s solution to man’s sexual cravings.

1 Cor 7:9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Until such a time as God provides us with a wife or husband, we have complete control of our body.

1 Cor 9:27 But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

To sum up, marriage is a beautiful and powerful gift of God intended as a representation or reflection of our relationship with Him. We are to love Him alone, we are to love our spouse alone. We are to pray to and receive power from Him alone, give ourselves only to Him, we are not to have any sex outside of marriage. We are to commit to Him, and in return He gives us an eternal gift of life, our marriage is to be for life. Marriage is a sacred treasure, a holy joy, a gift of God. Minimise the gift and we despise the Giver.

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