Makestraightpaths.com examines the teachings of the religious group variously known as “the Family,” “The Family International,” the “Children of God,” or the “Family of Love,” and evaluates these teachings from a Christian perspective. This page is one in a series on the 'Law of Love' and the Family's sexual beliefs.

Married to Each Other…

The most controversial teachings in the Family are those that permit sexual interaction between consenting (adult) members. Unwilling to abandon his biblical heritage, the founder of the Family, David Berg/ Dad, searched long and hard for scriptural doctrines that could justify sex between believers. One biblical doctrine that Berg/Dad said applied to sexual matters was that of the unity of believers implied by their representation as the bride of Christ. The doctrine is often referred to as "One Wife," in reference to the title of one of the first letters in which it was alluded to. The argument goes like this:

1. The Bible pictures faith as a kind of ‘marriage’ in which believers are depicted as the ‘bride’ and God is the ‘bridegroom.’

2. Believers therefore may be seen collectively as the marriage partner of Jesus Christ, who is ‘married’ to numerous ‘brides,’ the Christians.

3. Therefore, Christians may see themselves as participating in a plural marriage to Jesus Christ.

4. Marriage includes, by definition, a sexual aspect. Christians therefore may determine their own sexual principles in light of this plural marriage to Christ.

5. Therefore, sexual interaction between believers can be seen as occurring within the context of the overarching marriage to Christ. Sex between believers who are not legally married to each other is not ‘adultery,’ because adultery is defined as sex outside of marriage.

6. Therefore, true Christian believers may engage in consensual sex with each other without sin.

Such is the reasoning behind this controversial Family teaching. In a nutshell, as Christians are spiritually married to each other in Christ, they may lawfully engage in sex with each other.

However, Berg’s teaching is fatally flawed in a number of ways, and it is not difficult to demonstrate that the Scriptures do not in fact justify his conclusion. Unfortunately, no serious investigation of the Bible has ever been conducted in the Family on this issue, with the result that most Family members are completely unaware of the errors in this teaching or the sin that it leads to.

Married to another

One of the key proof texts used to support this doctrine is Romans 7:4, which in the King James version appears to redefine the concept of marriage:

Rom 7:4 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. KJV

Interestingly, while the New King James repeats the King James "be married to," no other literal translation uses this phrase. The NASB and the NET read "be joined to," while the NIV and the RSV read "belong to."

The Greek word translated "married to" in the KJV obviously refers to the union between a man and a woman, for it is used twice in the preceding verse referring to a woman "joining to" (NASB, NET) another man while her husband was still alive, and then "joining to" a man after her husband had already died.

Rom 7:3-4
3 So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.
4 Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God.
NASU

The NIV and the RSV are not consistent at this point, for they translate the same word in different ways:

Rom 7:3-4
Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.
4 Likewise, my brethren, you have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead in order that we may bear fruit for God.
RSV

The Greek word actually means "to become" and is used frequently throughout the New Testament in a variety of ways. The reference to marriage comes from one of its nuances, in which it is used to mean "to become the property of someone." Following is the relevant excerpt from a dictionary definition of this word:

NT:1096
5. to become, be made, "in passages where it is specified who or what a person or thing is or has been rendered, as respects quality, condition, place, rank, character" ...
with the genitive to become the property of anyone, to come into the power of a person or thing ... to become a man's wife, Rom 7:3f.
(from Thayer's Greek Lexicon)

Romans 7:4 does not redefine marriage, for it only refers to the union of men and women as a way of illustrating "belonging." Before salvation, Jewish Christians were under the authority of the Law; they "belonged to" the Law. However, after they came under the authority of Jesus Christ, they then "belonged to" him, as illustrated by the way in which a woman man lawfully "belong to" only one man at a time. The strength of Paul's argument depends on the understanding that marriage is a permanent, exclusive union between one man and one woman, separable only by death. That is, Paul says, "You know that a woman is never to give herself to a man other than her husband while he is still alive. The Law is like the first "husband", and Christ is like the second. When you came to Christ, you were joined to Him in His death, so that you "died" to the Law and are therefore free to give yourself to Him." In other words, if you interpret this verse to permit sexual freedom outside of marriage, you destroy Paul's entire argument.

Finally, the passage very clearly says that believers are joined to Christ. To imply that it means that believers may be joined (sexually) to other believers is twisting the text beyond recognition. 

Romans 7:4 cannot be interpreted to condone, permit or promote sexual freedom between believers. Quite the contrary, this verse actually strongly forbids any extra-marital sexual activity at all!

Betrothed to one husband

The Scriptures frequently describe the relationship of God to his people using marriage as an analogy. Marriage is a vivid illustration of the extreme love of God for his people, the commitment He has to them, and the loyalty He expects of them.

2 Cor 11:2 For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin. NASU

Just as marriage is a commitment between one man and one woman to the total and permanent exclusion of all others, so God expects His followers to refuse to listen to so-called "truth" from any other source. Paul uses the analogy of marriage to tell the Corinthians to reject false teachings about Jesus. He goes on to say:

2 Cor 11:3-4
3 But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ. 4 For if one comes and preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted, you bear this beautifully.
NASU

In other words, Paul is not describing a spiritual marriage between Christ and Christians, but rather he is stressing the importance of exclusive devotion to the truth of the Gospel. Do not, he says, allow yourselves to become polluted or defiled by following after a "different Gospel." Therefore, as with Romans 7:4 above, Paul's analogy of believers as a "pure virgin" precludes the possibility of applying this Scripture to sexual freedom between believers. You cannot say that Christians are "chaste virgins" (2 Cor 11:2 NKJV) who have sexual freedom! There is no possibility of accepting that Christians may be both "chaste" and "sexually free," for the terms are mutually exclusive.

I will betroth you to Me forever

God's message to Israel through the prophet Hosea used marriage as a picture of God's eternal love for His sinful people, even illustrating it with Hosea's actual marriage to a prostitute.

Hos 2:19-23
19 "I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice,
In lovingkindness and in compassion,
20 And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.
Then you will know the Lord.
21 "It will come about in that day that I will respond," declares the Lord.
"I will respond to the heavens, and they will respond to the earth,
22 And the earth will respond to the grain, to the new wine and to the oil,
And they will respond to Jezreel.
23 "I will sow her for Myself in the land.
I will also have compassion on her who had not obtained compassion,
And I will say to those who were not My people,
'You are My people!'
And they will say, 'You are my God!'
NASU

As in the above New Testament passages, it is impossible to interpret these passages to permit sexual freedom among believers, for God's message to Israel is meaningless unless it is based on the understanding that marriage is an exclusive, monogamous relationship between one man and one woman until death. God used Hosea's adulterous wife to illustrate Israel's spiritual adultery.

Hos 4:1-2
Listen to the word of the Lord, O sons of Israel,
For the Lord has a case against the inhabitants of the land,
Because there is no faithfulness or kindness
Or knowledge of God in the land.
2 There is swearing, deception, murder, stealing and adultery.
They employ violence, so that bloodshed follows bloodshed.
NASU

Your Maker is your husband

In the book of Isaiah, God uses marriage to illustrate his irrevocable commitment to Israel. Despite Israel's sins, God would not - could not - utterly forsake His people, because He had promised that He would be their God forever.

Isa 54:5-6
5 "For your husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the Lord of hosts;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the God of all the earth.
6 "For the Lord has called you,
Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,"
Says your God.
NASU

This passage prophecies a return to the Lord, facilitated by the advent of the suffering Messiah, predicted in the preceding chapter. Marriage is a picture of the permanence of God's relationship with His people.

The passage is not, of course, a mandate for sexual infidelity.

A great mystery concerning Christ and the church

Paul wrote about marriage several times, saying that husbands should model their behaviour on Christ's sacrificial love for the church.

Eph 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
NASU

Paul makes several points in this passage:

• Husbands should give themselves sacrificially for their wives.

• Husbands are to takes care of their wives both physically and spiritually.

• Married couples are spiritually united, and this spiritual union is manifested physically.

• Christ died for the church, and husbands should likewise "die" to themselves for their wives' benefit.

• Christ loves the church, and husbands should likewise act out of love for their wives.

• Christ is one with the church, and husbands should conduct themselves in the realisation that they are one with their wives.

• Marriage, as ordained by God, is the exclusive union of one man and one woman, and as such it is a picture of the exclusive union between the one true God and the one true church of believers saved by the grace of God.

As with the previous passages, the points that Paul brings out preclude the possibility of sexual freedom. In other words, if husbands and wives did not have to be sexually faithful to each other, then neither could Paul talk about the exclusive union between Jesus Christ and the church.

The ten virgins

Berg/Dad also referred to the parable of the ten virgins as 'proof' that Jesus Christ was engaged in a 'plural' marriage with His people. He taught that in the parable, the bridegroom was coming to 'marry' the virgins, therefore 'proving' that God Himself does not mandate monogamous marriages.

Whether through ignorance or deception, Berg/Dad was wrong.

Matt 25:1 "Then the kingdom of heaven will be comparable to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. NASU

The Greek word 'virgins' means:

NT:3933
either a marriageable maiden, or a young (married) woman
(from Thayer's Greek Lexicon)

It simply means a young woman of marriageable age. She may be unmarried, betrothed or already married. There is a different Greek word for 'bride' (NT:3565). The 'virgins' of Matthew 25 were not invited to the wedding to marry the bridegroom, who then proceeded to tell five of them that he did not know them, simply because they had forgotten to bring oil with them! The bridegroom was not coming to marry the virgins - in fact the bride is not mentioned in the parable at all! The virgins - or bridesmaids - were invited to the wedding, and they had a specific function, that is to provide light. In this task, five showed that they were prepared, and five failed.

As soon as we apply the actual meaning of the word 'virgins' to the parable, Berg/Dad's interpretation becomes invalid.

For an excellent exposition on this parable at Bible.org, click here.

Conclusion

Berg/Dad's reasoning was that as the church consists of many people joined to one God in a relationship that is likened to marriage, then marriage is no longer exclusive. If marriage is no longer exclusive then believers do not have to be bound by sexual restrictions.

However this reasoning is flawed from the beginning. Whenever the Bible uses marriage as a symbol of God's relationship with His people, it is always depicted as an exclusive union between one God and one people. Time and again, God's people are rebuked for forsaking God, symbolically depicted by husbands and wives forsaking their exclusive sexual commitment to each other.

To take this point a step further, Berg/Dad taught that sexual freedom is one of the ways that believers show that they are part of God's "plural" bride. However, the Bible actually teaches that people who indulge in extra-marital sex are showing that they are not part of the true church; they have voluntarily left the true faith. People who reject exclusive sexual faithfulness in marriage have also rejected exclusive spiritual faithfulness to the one true God.

To spell it out: Family members who engage in extra-marital sex are not demonstrating their unity with the other members of God's bride. They are, in fact, rejecting the commands of God, and in so doing they are placing themselves outside the exclusive union of Jesus Christ and His saved church.

See also

Christian Freedom

Marriage

.

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