What Potential Members Should Know

The information on this page is specifically for people who are considering membership in the Family. If you have been in contact with the Family, and are thinking about continuing the relationship in any form, the following will be of vital concern for you. It is not written in an attempt to discredit current Family members or leadership, and neither is it an effort to usurp your freedom of choice. Whether or not you join the Family is your own decision, and no one can take that from you. However, as with all important decisions, thorough research is essential. Once you know what to expect, you can make an informed decision about your life. In short, if you are trying to decide whether to join the Family, or you know someone who is, this is vital information.

This page has been written by people who have had extensive personal experience within the Family as members. It is written by active Christians who experienced many years of life in the very organisation you are now considering. Now that they are no longer members of the Family they wrote this page in order that you may have information that was not available to them when they first joined.

It is the opinion of the authors of this web site that such a life-changing decision should be made in full knowledge of the implications and possible consequences. No Christian organisation should fear inspection, as the truth of God will always stand. Before anyone joins any church, he or she should make diligent enquiries from third parties as to the nature of the organisation with which he or she will be associated.

Please note that there is a difference between mandatory Family rules and mandatory Family doctrines. Family rules have been set in writing. The main document listing Family rules is the Charter, first published in 1995, with several major revisions since then. In fact, there have been many changes, additions and deletions to the rules since the Charter was first published, and there are many ongoing modifications. Moreover, not all Family rules apply to all members. It depends on the membership level of the particular home in question. This page does not attempt to list or analyse the specific rules for life in the Family. It does, however give many of the mandatory beliefs that underpin Family rules. For example, there is probably no explicit Family rule that all Family members must believe that the current leader is a true prophetess of God. However, whether or not there is a specific rule, this article of faith is absolutely mandatory in that no one can remain in the Family for very long if they do not believe it. Any Family member who does not believe that the current leader is God's chosen leader for his or her own personal life is either a new member who has not yet acquiesced, or is someone who is having serious doubts about the Family. This latter will be encouraged to recommit him or herself to God (and to the Family), or will be asked to leave. The doctrine is no less mandatory for it not being listed in the Charter.

The decision to join

Firstly, as mentioned above, it is your decision alone as to whether you should join. It is certainly not the responsibility of any Family member to chart your life for you. Unfortunately, you may experience some emotional pressure while you are trying to decide. You may feel that this is your one and only opportunity to serve God and that the Family is the only possible place of service. Please be assured that this is not true. God is a very big God who has many many fields of service, and the opportunities for service to Him are almost boundless. He said that the harvest is plenteous, but the labourers are few (Matt 9:37), and so you do not need to feel that you will miss God if you do not join the Family.

It is important to conduct some research as to the nature of the organisation you are contemplating joining. The internet has a number of relevant sites. Remember to search for some of the alternate names of the Family: the Children of God, and the Family of Love.

Wikipedia articles:

The Family http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Children_of_God

The founder, David Berg http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Berg

The current leader, Karen Zerby http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Zerby

Zerby’s son, Ricky Rodriguez http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricky_Rodriguez

There is a large amount of material at exFamily, including a detailed history, explanation of Family beliefs, and many testimonies from former members: http://www.exfamily.org/index.htm

University of Virginia article http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/nrms/Family.html

There is also a fair amount of useful information in Christian bookstores, although unfortunately there is much that is a little dated. There are often chapters on the Family in books describing new religious movements or cults. You should try the index entries on the Children of God or the Family of Love or simply The Family. It may be helpful to discuss your options with a pastor or minister.

The differences between the Family and other churches

There are a number of crucial differences between the Family and mainstream churches. Here it is very important to gain an understanding, because it is these very differences that you will be expected to uphold and defend. These are areas in which the Family shows no sign of moving closer to mainstream doctrine, and are all vital beliefs. In other words, each of these doctrines are mandatory for all Family members, and if you join, you will be expected to agree to them, and eventually you will have to practise them. Most new members are given plenty of time before they are required to adhere to these issues, but eventually all must agree, or leave. These differences are neither minor nor optional.

Before listing the differences between the Family and the churches, it should be noted that there are also a number of similarities, which are not covered in this page.

‘Word Time’

In mainstream Christianity, reading the ‘Word’ simply means reading the Bible. In the Family, however, the ‘Word’ also includes the Family’s own publications. In fact, Family members are required to spend far more time reading, studying and re-reading Family writings than in Bible study. Family members are taught to believe that official Family writings are on the same level as the Bible, that Family publications contain ‘God’s word for today’ while the Bible contains much that is outdated. For an examination of the scriptural basis to this claim, click here. In the Family, there is actually no in-depth Bible study program at all. All Bible readings are based on and centred around the writings of the founder. In other words, if you join the Family, you will learn the writings of its founder, but your Bible knowledge will not increase.

Authority of leadership

The Family is run in a strictly ‘top down’ manner, where the head exercises absolute authority. The founder of the Family (David Berg, also known as ‘Dad’ or ‘Grandpa’) is still viewed as the ‘endtime prophet’ although he died in 1994. The current leader of the Family (Karen Zerby, known to current members as ‘Maria’ or ‘Mama’) maintains strict control as his successor. All Family members pledge their allegiance to her in heart and mind, if not in writing. Most Family leaders are appointed, not elected, with little accountability to those they rule. The exception to this is on a home level, where those members residing in the same home elect their own leadership teamwork. All Family members are taught obedience to leadership. Significantly, the leader of the Family is responsible for all Family teaching. Therefore, all Family members accept the current head as their spiritual as well as practical leader.

Sex

The Family believes that consensual sex between adult members is lawful in the sight of God, regardless of their marital status. There are numerous studies on this web site examining this doctrine in light of the Bible. For example, see Galatians Five or Jesus on adultery. While there are numerous rules governing sexual behaviour within the Family, these rules are for the most part self-enforced, and penalties for abuse are relatively light, compared with governmental laws. As of this writing, for example, there is no specific penalty for rape. While Family members are not required to engage in sexual activity with each other, all Family members must believe in the doctrine, and sooner or later, all members participate. This doctrine is condemned as unscriptural by all mainstream churches.

The ‘Keys of the Kingdom’

This is a relatively new doctrine, only emerging after the death of the founder. It is an extra-Biblical teaching, although it makes use of Matthew 16:19. The ‘keys’ are seen as a spiritual force that has been made available to the Family, equal to the power of the word of God. Family members pray in the name of the keys, call on the keys and learn the names of numerous keys, supposedly for different purposes. For extensive treatment of this doctrine, click here.

Spirit helpers

This doctrine has also been universally condemned by mainstream Christianity. According to this doctrine, Family members may contact the spirits of ‘departed saints’ for guidance and practical assistance. This is common practice within the Family, and official Family publications contain numerous messages supposedly received from the spirits of these dead people. In fact, the doctrine is unavoidable to the extent that Family members are required to read official writings with these message, and are taught to receive them for themselves. Even children in the Family are taught to receive messages from their ‘spirit helpers’. The doctrine is examined here.

Jesus the Lover

While many churches talk about the love of Jesus, only the Family has taken this doctrine to such extremes. In the Family, Jesus is seen as literally desiring sexual relations with Christians. Jesus referred to himself as a ‘bridegroom’ (Matt 9:15), and the church as the bride (Rev 19:7), but the Bible does not carry the analogy further. The Family, however, teaches that Jesus desires sex with Family members, who are to picture themselves as making love to Him while they themselves are engaged in sex with other members, or while masturbating. This doctrine is even taught to teenagers from the age of 16. This doctrine is entirely unscriptural, but all members are encouraged to participate.

Mandatory doctrines

The important thing to remember is that if you join the Family, you will be expected to agree to these, and many other doctrines that are unique to the Family. In time, you will be expected to participate in them. They are not optional. However, it is also true that regardless of whether you do agree or not, regardless of whether you personally participate in these practices, your membership of the Family is a public statement of your acceptance of these teachings. Family membership is not a declaration of your Christianity; you can be a Christian without joining the Family. Family membership is not a statement of your dedication to God, it is public notice that you believe what they believe, that you believe in the above doctrines. If you cannot agree to that, you will be required to leave.

Upon joining

Rules for joining the Family have changed somewhat over the years, and vary considerably according to the classification of home you are joining. In general, however, the following is true for full-time Family members.

New members are required to ‘forsake all’. This means they give all their money, all their savings and all their assets to the Family. They liquidate all that they have and give the financial proceeds to the home they are joining. This money will be distributed according as the home sees fit. It will not be returned to the member if they decide to leave. In general, full-time Family members cannot attend university or hold secular employment, so any prospective members are usually expected to quit their studies or jobs.

After joining

During your time in the Family, you will be expected to contribute financially to the upkeep of the home in which you reside as well as contributing a generous tithe of all your income to the administration. At the time of writing, the tithe for the inner circle of full-time members stands at 14% of all income. For more on the tithe, click here. All income you generate while in the Family will go directly to the home in which you reside, and will be managed by that home’s leadership. This includes any inheritances or gifts you receive while a member.

As secular employment is discouraged, all Family members spend considerable time securing financial support for their home. The most prevalent forms of income over the years have been door-to-door sales, various forms of entertainment, and direct requests to business for material goods. As a full-time Family member, you will be expected to participate in your home’s chosen method of financial support, giving 100% of your profit to the home.

Leaving the Family

It must be said that leaving the Family is often extremely difficult. While people are not forcibly prevented from leaving, if they wish to go, the fact remains that it is usually tremendously problematic. This is due to the almost complete lack of support structure for former members. No matter how long you stay with the Family, if you leave, you are entitled to take nothing with you. Any money the home gives you will be at their own discretion. Family administration usually gives nothing. This presents serious problems for people who gave all their savings to the group upon joining. Many others joined the Family instead of completing university degrees and then find it difficult to find adequate employment. In general, the longer you are in the Family, the harder it is to leave.

History

Finally, your membership in the Family indirectly connects you to the practices of the past. Regardless of when or where you joined, your membership implies that you condone the events of the Family’s history. For example, the now-discontinued practice of ‘FFing’ was once prevalent. This involved the use of sex in proselytising and fund-raising. While officially banned according to current Family rules, it is still viewed as a God-ordained and doctrinally correct ministry for the time it lasted. There are also many accounts of gross abuse within the Family, including accusations of rape, physical violence, depravation of liberty and child abuse. The founder of the Family was himself accused of these crimes. There are a number of current members who have been accused of similar deeds, who have never been required to answer the charges against them. Many are currently in positions of leadership.

In 2005, the son of the current leader, Ricky Rodriguez, died in a murder-suicide. The Family has never accepted any responsibility for his repeated claims of abuse.

If you join the Family, you will be indirectly connected to this history. This is because you will be required to read a lot of the writings of the founder of the Family, who was ultimately responsible for the institution of almost all these doctrines. Most of his writings are still studied, being available on CD to all current members. At the time of writing there are many current members who were members of the Family during the periods when it had the names the ‘Children of God’ and the ‘Family of Love’. The current leader was the de facto partner of the founder until his death in 1994.

Conclusion

It is possible to get the impression that the Family is little more than a very active, albeit small, Christian church, based on the way they present themselves. However, if you are considering joining the Family, you should be aware of the crucial differences between the Family and all other churches. Importantly, if you are joining as a full-time member, you will be expected to conform to the beliefs of the Family. Eventually you will have to defend the Family teachings on sex, the keys and spirit helpers. Also, you will eventually be expected to participate in these practices. You will probably not be forced into sex, but there may be sustained emotional pressure.

On a practical level, the entrance requirements for full-time membership have made it extremely difficult for those same people when they eventually decide to leave the Family. You should realise that if you should choose to do something else in a few years time, or if the Lord leads you differently, you will have to restart your life with little or no support from the Family, and without the security of any finances or assets you now have.

If you are considering joining the Family, it is important for you to ask yourself if you would be willing to defend Family doctrines publicly. You should realise that the Biblical foundation for these doctrines is shaky, at best, and that the ultimate support for these teachings will not be in the Bible, but in ‘revelations’ given to the founder of the Family. Almost without exception, Christian churches outside the Family condemn their doctrines as unscriptural. In the Family, you will be putting yourself in the uncomfortable position of opposing the rest of Christianity.

While in the Family, you will need to pledge your allegiance to the group as a whole, to the current head (Zerby/ Maria) as your personal spiritual leader, and to your immediate leadership in the home where you reside. You will be expected to obey.

Regardless of your private opinions regarding the unusual practices and beliefs of the Family, your membership can only be taken as a public sign that you uphold and support these things. Membership means consent. Further, your membership will require you to spread these doctrines actively. You will eventually be held partially responsible for their propagation.

The Family is who it is precisely because of the doctrines that make it different from the churches. There are other churches with enthusiastic evangelists, there are others with people who are dedicated, there are others with people who show genuine Christian love. However, there are no other Christian churches who believe the unusual doctrines of the Family. Therefore, you should be aware that if you join, it is those doctrines that you are associating with, it is those doctrines, the ones listed on this page and elsewhere on this web site that define the Family for what it is today. It is those doctrines that will become your own.

Please take the time to consider these things carefully.

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For Potential Members: What To Know Before You Join the Family.