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Makestraightpaths.com examines the teachings of the religious
group variously known as “the Family,” “The Family International,” the “Children
of God,” or the “Family of Love,” and evaluates these teachings from a Christian
perspective. This page is one in a series on the 'Law of Love' and the Family's
sexual beliefs.
Stumbling
Others
The leaders of the Family declared that the Family's sexual doctrines are
"here to stay;" these teachings will not be revoked because they
constitute a 'revelation' from God. Therefore, according to the Family,
proclaiming and practising those doctrines is a matter of obedience to
God, regardless of what other people think.
However, one issue that
has never been adequately addressed within the Family is the negative
effects upon people of these teachings. There is ample evidence of harm
caused by people taking sexual liberties, and this harm has been readily acknowledged by Family
leadership. Usually, however, the Family claims that any harm that
occurred was not the fault of the doctrine, but of the people who
misapplied it. They also claim that measures have been taken to prevent
reoccurrence of such abuse.
This website provides
ample scriptural evidence for the errors in the doctrine, and other
sites contain an abundance of testimonial evidence of harm caused when
people applied the Family's sexual doctrines. This harm includes the
high incidence of teenage pregnancies and single parents, as well as
allegations of rape and child abuse. The Family has admitted that people
were hurt and has issued several apologies. However, they do not, in
general, apologise to individual victims of child abuse or attempt to
make reparations for crimes that were committed. Instead of referring
alleged criminal behaviour to the police, the Family has a long-standing
custom of shielding and protecting the alleged perpetrators from ay
official investigation.
As well as numerous allegations of criminal behaviour,
there is also evidence of a tremendous amount of emotional and even
psychological harm directly caused by the sexual promiscuity prevalent
in the Family. That is, many people have been emotionally scarred and have had irreparable damage inflicted on their ability to relate to
other people. Examples of this kind of harm are numerous (and may be
found on other websites), and include
the following: women who either were forcibly raped or who were
otherwise pressured into having sex, young adults who cannot shake the
memories of the abuse they suffered as children at the hands of sexual
predators, children and teenagers who have grown up not knowing their fathers, single
mothers who have been abandoned by the 'biological' fathers of their
children, men who treat women as sexual objects, older women whose husbands
are sexually interested in younger women, and so on and so on. There is no justification for such harm inflicted upon other people, and it is
the height of cruel hypocrisy to say that the teachings that gave rise
to these actions are teachings of 'love!'
Another area that the
Family has not addressed is the scriptural admonition to refrain from
causing harm to other people through overzealous application of what one
believes to be the will of God. The Family believes that God has given
them their sexual doctrines as a revelation, initially received by the founder
(Berg/Dad). Therefore, they believe that they are right to
practise this teaching, even if outsiders disagree with it. Further,
they believe that because God has showed them these teachings, they
must practise them if they are to be obedient to God. It would be
disobedient to God to refrain from engaging in sexual activity because
(they believe), God has told them to do it. However, there are two major
flaws in this thinking. First, as this website makes abundantly clear,
the Family's sexual doctrines are completely unscriptural and therefore
do not originate from God. Second, the Bible admonishes believers
that love is more important than freedom and care for others is an
essential component of obedience. In other words, if one's freedom is
unloving, then one must voluntarily refrain from those actions, and if
one's obedience hurts other believers then one is not truly obedient.
This web page examines
the New Testament passages that advise believers to act in such a way
that they do not hurt others.
Romans 14
The fourteenth chapter of
Romans discusses the difference between those who are "weak in faith"
and those who more faith. The first group believes that they should not
eat meat, and the second believes that they "may eat all things" (Rom
14:1-2). The Family has interpreted this passage to mean that although
most Christians believe that they should not engage in extra-marital
sex, Family members are 'strong in faith' and therefore they may indulge
in extra-marital sexual activity that is otherwise forbidden.
Unfortunately, the Family
has never conducted an in-depth study of this passage and have
completely missed its meaning. The original letter to the Romans was
not, of course, divided into chapters; it was a long and complex, but
unified treatise. The first eleven chapters builds a systematic
theology, while the remainder of the letter addresses a number of
practical issues in application of the doctrinal teaching. A quick
glance at chapter thirteen shows the issues that Paul had been
discussing before he began comparing the "weak" and strong in faith.
In chapter thirteen, one
thing is crystal clear: Paul does not approve of extra-marital sex:
Rom 13:8-10
8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves
his neighbor has fulfilled the law. 9 For this, "YOU SHALL NOT
COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU
SHALL NOT COVET," and if there is any other commandment, it is
summed up in this saying, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS
YOURSELF." 10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is
the fulfillment of the law.
NASU
Paul said that true love
obeys the commandments, true love refuses to commit
adultery. The Family teaches that their sexual practises are an
expression of love, but the Bible says that when people are doing such
things they do not have love, for godly love cannot be
expressed in extramarital sex.
Rom 13:12-14
12 The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us
lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13
Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and
drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife
and jealousy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no
provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
NASU
Paul tells his readers
that sexual promiscuity and sensuality are the "deeds of darkness" and
that Christians are not to allow themselves to be tempted sexually.
Therefore, however we are
to apply the teachings of Romans 14, they cannot be applied to
extra-marital sex; Paul has already made his position clear. Romans 14
discusses a couple of issues: vegetarianism versus eating meat, and
regarding one day as 'special' versus regarding all days alike. Neither
issue contravened the Ten Commandments, neither issue involved what Paul
previously termed the "deeds of darkness" in chapter 13.
Regarding these
relatively unimportant issues, Paul advises:
Rom 14:4 Who are you
to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or
falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
NASU
Rom 14:10 But you,
why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your
brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment
seat of God. NASU
He then issues a stern
warning as he begins addressing the real problem:
Rom 14:12-13
12 So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.
13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather
determine this — not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a
brother's way.
NASU
Christians will stand
before God to give an account for what they have said and done, and,
according to Paul, this account will not be concerning whether or
not they ate meat, but whether they harmed one of their brothers (or
sisters) in the faith.
Rom 14:14-15
14 I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean
in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it
is unclean. 15 For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are
no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food
him for whom Christ died.
NASU
Meat, says Paul, is not
unclean of itself. Remember, this is not applicable to
extra-marital sex which Paul has already said is one of the "deeds of
darkness." Paul is talking about food, and this statement can only be
applied to other things which are not of themselves sin. Extra-marital
sex is of itself sin and is therefore always 'unclean.'
Paul then repeats his
point from chapter thirteen: if someone is hurt, then it is not
love. He then continues by stressing the importance of building up each
other, and refraining from doing anything that causes a brother
or sister to stumble.
Rom 14:16-21
16 Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as
evil; 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but
righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 For he who in
this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19
So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building
up of one another. 20 Do not tear down the work of God for the sake
of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man
who eats and gives offense. 21 It is good not to eat meat or to
drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles.
NASU
1 Corinthians
Paul also taught about
the effect of believers' actions on other people in his first letter to
the Corinthians. As in the letter to the Romans, it is clear that Paul's
advice concerning his readers' application of their Christian liberty
does not extend to extra-marital sex, because he repeatedly
exhorts them not to engage in any extra-marital sex.
In chapter five, Paul
rebukes the church for allowing a man to continue fellowshipping with
them who had been taking sexual liberties with his father's wife
(probably not his mother).
1 Cor 5:1-2
It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and
immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles,
that someone has his father's wife. 2 You have become arrogant and
have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed
would be removed from your midst.
NASU
If this man had been an
unbeliever, Paul would have approved of their continued fellowship with
him, because then they would have been preaching to him so that he would
come to saving faith and in the process forsake his sins. But this man
was not considered an unbeliever. He said he was a Christian - Paul
calls him a "so-called brother." In this case, Paul is adamant: the
church is to evict him immediately.
1 Cor 5:9-13
9 I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; 10
I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with
the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would
have to go out of the world. 11 But actually, I wrote to you not to
associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or
covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler
— not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with
judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church?
13 But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM
AMONG YOURSELVES.
NASU
Not only did Paul tell
the church to evict the sinning "brother," he also tells them to avoid
any such so-called Christians who are "sexually immoral" (NIV), a
general term encompassing all extra-marital sex.
1 Cor 5:11 But now I
am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who calls
himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or
a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even
eat. NIV
In chapter six, Paul
teaches that when people become Christians, they are "washed" and
"sanctified" from their sin. This means that people who continue in
their sins were not washed and sanctified. If they were not
sanctified then they were not justified. If they were not justified,
then they are not part of the kingdom of God. Again, Paul specifically
mentions sexual sin:
1 Cor 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the
kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor
idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor
thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor
swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of
you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were
justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of
our God.
NASU
1 Cor 6:9 Do you not
know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be
deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers
nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders NIV
In the context of
visiting prostitutes, Paul insists that all believers now have control
over themselves; they are no longer controlled by their physical urges,
whether for food or for sex.
1 Cor 6:12-13
12 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable.
All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by
anything. 13 Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food,
but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for
immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body.
NASU
Believers are all
spiritually connected to each other, being part of the body of Christ.
Paul is aghast at the thought of a believer dragging the church, and by
implication, Christ himself, into sin.
1 Cor 6:14-17
14 Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up
through His power. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members
of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make
them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know
that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her?
For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." 17 But the one who
joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
NASU
Paul then issues a clear
command:
1 Cor 6:18 Flee
immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body,
but the immoral man sins against his own body. NASU
1 Cor 6:18 Flee from
sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his
body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. NIV
In chapter seven, Paul
gives his advice on marriage. He promotes singleness and permits
marriage, but forbids extra-marital sexual activity.
1 Cor 7:1-2
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a
man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is
to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
NASU
In short, Paul forbids
all extra-marital sex, which means that when he discusses the "liberty"
that believers have in certain matters, he is not permitting
extra-marital sex.
I will not cause
my brother to stumble
In chapter 8, Paul apparently responds to a question he
had been asked about whether believers could, or should, eat food that
had been sacrificed to an idol.
1 Cor 8:1 Now concerning things sacrificed to idols,
we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge makes arrogant, but
love edifies. NASU
It seems that the disagreeing factions were divided into
those that had 'knowledge' and those who were 'weak' (vs.11). Paul says
that the most important knowledge was to love God, love each other and
to be known by God.
1 Cor 8:2-3
2 If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as
he ought to know; 3 but if anyone loves God, he is known by Him.
NASU
Then, Paul explains the position of the people with
'knowledge.' He says "we know" and "for us," indicating that Paul also
considered himself to have knowledge.
1 Cor 8:4-6
4 Therefore concerning the eating of things sacrificed to idols, we
know that there is no such thing as an idol in the world, and that
there is no God but one. 5 For even if there are so-called gods
whether in heaven or on earth, as indeed there are many gods and
many lords, 6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom
are all things and we exist for Him; and one Lord, Jesus Christ, by
whom are all things, and we exist through Him.
NASU
Although the theological position of those with
'knowledge' is sound, there is a more important concern: people acting
according to their knowledge without consideration for other believers
who do not have the same knowledge may actually cause real harm.
1 Cor 8:7 However not all men have this knowledge;
but some, being accustomed to the idol until now, eat food as if it
were sacrificed to an idol; and their conscience being weak is
defiled. NASU
Paul said that the issues that he was discussing had no
bearing upon their acceptance with God, but they were crucially
important in the effect that they had on others. People who acted
according to their knowledge could indirectly cause weaker believers to
be defiled (vs.7), stumbled (vs.9) or ruined (vs.11).
1 Cor 8:8-11
8 But food will not commend us to God; we are neither the worse if
we do not eat, nor the better if we do eat. 9 But take care that
this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to
the weak. 10 For if someone sees you, who have knowledge, dining in
an idol's temple, will not his conscience, if he is weak, be
strengthened to eat things sacrificed to idols? 11 For through your
knowledge he who is weak is ruined, the brother for whose sake
Christ died.
NASU
It is wrong to act in such an inconsiderate way; it is a
sin against Jesus Christ himself.
1 Cor 8:12 And so, by sinning against the brethren
and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against
Christ. NASU
The conclusion is clear: one must never act
according to knowledge if there is a chance that someone may be hurt.
1 Cor 8:13 Therefore, if food causes my brother to
stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my
brother to stumble. NASU
Not seeking my own profit
In chapter nine, Paul gives another example of how he
deliberately curtailed his own liberty for the sake of others'
consciences, saying that he exercises self-control in order to most
effectively preach the Gospel.
Then in chapter ten, he returns to the topic of acting
according to conscience. Again, the point must be made clear that Paul
never regards extra-marital sex as a matter of conscience. It is
always absolutely forbidden.
1 Cor 10:8 We should not commit sexual immorality, as
some of them did — and in one day twenty-three thousand of them
died. NIV
People may be tempted to sin sexually, or in other ways,
but God is strong enough to help believers resist such temptations:
1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such
as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to
be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will
provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure
it. NASU
Paul concedes that as salvation is not dependant upon
works, obedience to the law is not a necessary precursor to salvation.
However, he strongly rejects the idea that believers therefore may do
anything they want.
1 Cor 10:23 All things are lawful, but not all things
are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify.
NASU
The guiding principle is to be concern for other
believers.
1 Cor 10:24 Let no one seek his own good, but that of
his neighbor. NASU
Regarding eating food that has been sacrificed to idols,
believers do not need to make a big issue of it, unless someone
else's conscience is troubled. Again, it is the 'stronger' who must bend
to the wishes of the 'weaker;' those with freedom are to willingly
curtail that freedom for the sake of those who do not think they have
such freedom.
1 Cor 10:25-30
25 Eat anything that is sold in the meat market without asking
questions for conscience' sake; 26 FOR THE EARTH IS THE LORD'S, AND
ALL IT CONTAINS. 27 If one of the unbelievers invites you and you
want to go, eat anything that is set before you without asking
questions for conscience' sake. 28 But if anyone says to you, "This
is meat sacrificed to idols," do not eat it, for the sake of the one
who informed you, and for conscience' sake; 29 I mean not your own
conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom judged by
another's conscience? 30 If I partake with thankfulness, why am I
slandered concerning that for which I give thanks?
NASU
The next verse, often used in the Family for general
thanksgiving before meals, actually applies to this situation of
choosing to curtail liberties for the sake of 'weaker' brethren.
1 Cor 10:31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or
whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. NASU
If your action troubles another believer's conscience,
then you are no longer doing it to the glory of God. Therefore,
believers should take every effort to refrain from harming others.
1 Cor 10:32-33
32 Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of
God; 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my
own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.
NASU
Conclusion
The applications of these passages for the Family are
clear:
-
As clearly demonstrated above, extra-marital sex is
forbidden, it is not a matter of conscience, personal
faith or scriptural knowledge.
-
There are other matters which are not expressly
forbidden by scripture, and so may be permissible for believers,
while other Christians believe that they are wrong.
-
The important thing is love for others. In fact, Paul
says that those who understand more of scripture are to be
concerned for those who understand less. The strong are to yield to
the weak. Those wishing to put their liberty into practice are to
desist for the sake of those who believe such liberty is wrong. The
weak do not have to accommodate the strong, those who do not
believe taking liberties is right do not have to go against
their consciences, and those with less scriptural knowledge do
not have to follow those with more.
-
Therefore, Family members who believe they have
scriptural permission to act in a certain way are under
scriptural obligation to curtail those activities if there is
a chance that 'weaker' brethren may be harmed.
-
Family members who persist in "wounding the
consciences" of those who are 'weaker' are personally responsible
before Jesus Christ for the damage they cause. Such actions are sin.
-
The only appropriate course of action is to never
indulge in those actions or activities that may cause harm.
See also
Galatians Five
Christian Freedom
Freedom Truth and Relativity
Freedom from what
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