Stumbling Others

What should we do if others are offended by what we believe God shows us to do? What if people are hurt by our actions? What if those people are not directly involved, they are onlookers, bystanders who are led onto the wrong path because they try to copy our supposedly godly actions?

Making it specific for the Family, many publications loudly claim that sexual freedom is a divine revelation and this has been a permanent part of Family culture for many years. It’s common to hear or read statements to the effect of ‘Well, God showed us to do it so we will continue to do so regardless’ or ‘It’s inevitable that people will make mistakes as that’s human nature, but we must still obey the Lord’ or ‘Yes, people will get hurt or misapply the word, but that does not signify a problem with the doctrine’. This study will look specifically on our responsibility to be aware of the effect our actions have on others, and the resulting decisions we must make concerning modifying our behaviour.

Note that this study will not examine whether sexual freedom between the unmarried is permissible in God’s sight or not. That topic is thoroughly considered in a number of other studies published on this web site, and in no circumstances should this study be taken to mean that pre- or extra-marital sex is allowable for a Christian or a Family member.

When we stand before God, we will have to give an account of our actions, our motives, our words, our secret thoughts, everything will come to light.

Rom 14:12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.

This will happen to each one of us, it will happen to us personally and it will happen to our brothers in the Lord. God will judge us, God will judge him. Therefore we may not judge him. Jesus said the same in Matt 7:1-5. So when we see our brother doing something different from us, our reaction should not be to make him change his ways so as to imitate us, because that means we have judged ourself to be better than he. No, we are responsible first and foremost to examine our own actions to see if we are doing something that hurts him, or causes him to stumble.

Rom 14:13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

Sex of itself is neither good nor bad, it is a basic biological function, right? However, sex can be used in a good, godly way, or in an evil hurtful way. Similarly, having secular employment is of itself neither right nor wrong. The question is how we use that employment.

So, how can we judge whether our actions are right in the sight of God or not? Don’t misread the next verse into indicating that it is all up to whether we think it’s OK or not, or whether we ‘have the faith for it’ (a rather over-used catch-all phrase in the Family). The first place to look is into the written Word of God in the Bible. The Bible is our base as Christians, even for Christian Family members, and so every single Family pub must come subservient to the Bible.

Our determination should be this, that we refuse to do anything that may cause our brother or sister to stumble. Look around. Are we hurting anyone’s faith? What about the little ones who see and know what is happening, yet who are far too immature to put things in the proper perspective (if indeed there is a proper perspective at all)? What are the effects of our actions on the others around? Are they bothered by what we do?

Rom 14:14 I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean.

15 Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died.

As this passages talks about ‘food’ we can safely apply it to areas of our life about which there are a variety of opinions. This is not talking about our eternal salvation in Christ Jesus or not worshipping other gods before Him. It refers to personal opinions, ‘God lets me do this, even though others don’t think they can’. It is highly debatable whether sexual freedom falls into this category due to the large number of Scriptural prohibitions, but for the sake of the topic at hand we will temporarily put that question aside.

Walk in love

Sexual freedom has the potential to be extremely dangerous. When people get hurt, it can take years and years to overcome the pain. If we’re not sure about that statement, we could talk to someone who was raped. Or talk to teenagers who have grown up never knowing their father. Or talk to a single mother whose life is a constant struggle, who feels she has been used and left to care for the consequences alone. Or talk to a young adult who has grown up carefully observing the sexual freedom his parents and others in the home displayed, and who now shows little respect for women his age. Or talk to a young adult who feels she was sexually abused when younger. Or talk to a woman whose husband is more interested in younger women. Don’t try to explain or justify everything to these people, just listen.

Now we could try to tell these people that it was OK because the culprit was acting ‘in love’. We could try telling them that their pain is good fruit of the law of love. Or explain that although some people made mistakes, the overall fruit is good.

This is why the Scripture says, ‘Do not destroy with your food’. Jesus died for these suffering ones, will we lift them up, or trample them into the mud?

Rom 14:16 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil;

We are responsible for others

OK, sometimes we can’t help this. But please don’t take this lightly, we cannot brush our responsibility for others aside by saying, ‘I can’t help it if they don’t like what I do, that’s their problem!’ We are responsible for others.

Rom 14:17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

18 For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men.

We are to keep our priorities straight. If there’s a chance that someone will be hurt, we should remember that our place in the kingdom of God does not revolve around our desires, our pleasures, our wishes and wants. The priority is to get filled with the Holy Spirit and be led into righteousness, get the joy of the Lord, not the gratification of the flesh, let the peace of God flood our heart.

Our motivation should never be self-serving, always with a view to how we care for our brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Rom 14:19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

When we take liberties with others, when we pursue our own interests in the name of God, we stand a real chance of destroying someone’s usefulness to the Lord. In the case of sexual matters, he or she may never recover.

Rom 14:20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense.

All things are pure: sex is not bad in itself, as explained above. This verse cannot be taken as justification for pre- or extra-marital sex.

Rom 14:21 It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.

Our motive must never be self-serving. Indeed, our Christian lives are to revolve around our relationship with the Lord, and the effect our actions have on others, that’s ‘Love God, Love your neighbour’.

Others come first

The next passage goes into the same topic, focussing on the opinions of our brothers and sisters. Are we responsible to modify our behaviour according to what someone else thinks? OK, we’re not supposed to be man-pleasers or man-fearers but what about in matters of conscience?

1 Cor 10:23 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify.

Nothing in itself is good or bad, but there is a great deal of good or bad in how we choose to act. The most important point to remember is that other people come before ourselves. There is no place for selfishness in God’s kingdom.

1 Cor 10:24 Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.

The next few verses refer to the origins of meat that early Christians bought at the local butcher.

1 Cor 10:25 Eat whatever is sold in the meat market, asking no questions for conscience’ sake;

26 for “the earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness.”

27 If any of those who do not believe invites you to dinner, and you desire to go, eat whatever is set before you, asking no question for conscience’ sake.

28 But if anyone says to you, “This was offered to idols,” do not eat it for the sake of the one who told you, and for conscience’ sake; for “the earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness.”

Don’t ask questions, says Paul, just buy and eat. And when we’re invited out, we should not interrogate our host about the origin of what appears on our plate. However, when someone starts bragging that the meat was used for an ungodly purpose, then it’s time to put our foot down, and for the sake of our host explain that we cannot participate in an ungodly activity, even indirectly.

This is not for our benefit, to exalt us a notch or two higher than the other guy, it is for his benefit. Don’t think that other people don’t know what’s going on, they know, they see, and if something looks wrong in their sight, and we continue doing it, they’ll come to a couple of conclusions. First, that we’re not much of a Christian, so they won’t bother paying much attention to our grand speeches any more. Second, although they ignore our words, they will copy our deeds, thereby spreading more pain, for which we become partly responsible.

1 Cor 10:29 “Conscience,” I say, not your own, but that of the other. For why is my liberty judged by another man’s conscience?

30 But if I partake with thanks, why am I evil spoken of for the food over which I give thanks?

31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

32 Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God,

33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.

The whole purpose of everything is to give glory to God that others may come to Jesus and be saved. It’s time to forget trying to take care of our own selfish interests. Think about the far-reaching effects we have on others. Think about pulling them closer to the Lord, instead of providing a stumbling block to repel them.

What is the result of what you do?

Here is a third passage on this topic. Again, the point here is not whether an action is by itself right or wrong, but whether the action lifts and heals or wounds and hurts. It is spiritual stubbornness in the extreme to maintain that we will continue a hurtful action regardless of the hurt it causes others.

1 Cor 8:4 Therefore concerning the eating of things offered to idols, we know that an idol is nothing in the world, and that there is no other God but one.

We’re back at the butcher’s. Now Paul had total disdain for the devil-gods he encountered. He scorned the pagan idols, he treated the demons with contempt. They just weren’t worth his time to worry about them.

1 Cor 8:5 For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many lords),

6 yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live.

However Paul had great concern for the hearts and minds of those to whom he was witnessing. He understood what others would think when they saw what he did.

1 Cor 8:7 However, there is not in everyone that knowledge; for some, with consciousness of the idol, until now eat it as a thing offered to an idol; and their conscience, being weak, is defiled.

He realised that their conscience would be defiled. In other words, Paul would be the means whereby the on-lookers would re-write their conscience. They’d look at Paul and redefine what is or is not sin. A defiled conscience is one that does not work, it does not correct us when we’ve done the wrong thing because it is using the wrong standard of measurement. Whereas it should be calibrated according to the Word of God in the Bible, it rather operates according to what it saw someone else do.

1 Cor 8:8 But food does not commend us to God; for neither if we eat are we the better, nor if we do not eat are we the worse.

9 But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.

Take liberties in dangerous areas such as sexual freedom, where the potential for damage is extreme, and we become a stumbling block to the weak. Instead of helping the weak, lifting them up, bearing their burdens, we trip them, stumble them, hurt them, injure them, destroy them.

1 Cor 8:10 For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will not the conscience of him who is weak be emboldened to eat those things offered to idols?

11 And because of your knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died?

12 But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.

Here is the conclusion, which seems rather superfluous to make.

1 Cor 8:13 Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

Try the same verse in the KJV:

1 Cor 8:13 Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend. (KJV)

Never again, while the world stands. We under extreme obligation to regard our brothers and sisters hearts and lives before our own selfish interests. We are to regard the potential for damage long before we loudly proclaim that ‘God told us to do it’. And if there is a chance that one of our brothers or sisters, for whom Jesus died, even the slightest chance, that one of these may stumble, may be hurt, then before God we must never again consider this action.

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